An Approach to Suffering in Pastoral Care Part 2: Purpose & Relationship with God

Editor’s Note: This article is part two of a two-part series on pastoral ministering to the sick and suffering.

Pain, loss of purpose, and concern about one’s relationship with God are significant challenges posed by illness. As we have seen in part 1 of this series, working to accept the reasons for pain—our own correction, an offering for others, and union with God—gives us the strength we need when we suffer. A patient’s loss of purpose and end-of-life anxieties, though, may be healed through refocusing on the true purpose of life—love of God and of neighbor.

We often gain much of our sense of purpose from what we do or what we are able to accomplish, both of which can be taken away by sickness. For example, a person who bases their life on exercising, working in the office, or even serving others experiences a particular challenge when they become bedridden. Thankfully, our ultimate purpose in life is not accomplishment but to share in the nature of God—which is possible for anyone, at any time. We receive this eternal life in God in large part through the love of God and of neighbor.¹

When sick, a person can find renewed purpose through love of God by working to accept their condition for His sake. This comes from trust in His plan—His plan both to use this evil for good, and to move the person closer to Himself. Love of God also includes continuing to worship Him and put Him first in life, as far as the person is able.

Serious illness often prevents a person from attending Mass in a parish, but participating in Mass in a hospital chapel might be possible. In any case, Sunday should always be a day specially reserved for the worship of God through prayer. Technology makes this simpler; for example, through access to live-streamed Masses on a hospital room TV or a smart-phone.

Most importantly, an ill person should request the Sacraments. Frequent reception of the Eucharist is extremely helpful, especially on Sunday, as one form of worship to go alongside personal prayer. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is particularly needed to prepare one for death, as well as Anointing of the Sick, in order to strengthen the person an unite their suffering with Christ’s.

In addition to love of the Lord, love of neighbor greatly contributes to a seriously ill person’s sense of purpose. It can never be neglected, as love for God implies that we love other people. Now, for example, a hospital patient may not be able to do much for others physically. However, they can love by complying patiently with the nursing staff and doctors, even though their work may cause some humiliation or pain in the course of treatment.

Social connection is also important for someone suffering, especially connection with loved ones. It is sometimes the case, in my experience, that a person must overcome a certain fear or pride that deters them from telling loved ones that they are suffering. After all, it may be disturbing news to share at first, but it is for the greater good, as it enables those we care about to love us better. In fact, willfully refusing to let people close to you know that you are suffering is a kind of rejection of their love. Through time with loved ones, as well as connection with the medical staff, socializing contributes to a person’s sense of purpose by providing a way both to love and to be loved.

Lastly, serious illness may cause us to feel concern about our relationship with God. A person may feel abandoned by Him, the God Whom they felt would protect them. Understanding the Lord’s goodness, that He always works for our ultimate benefit, and that He is always willing to forgive, is a great consolation.

To start, it might help to aid someone in recalling that God is the Lord of the Universe, He Who made everything good. Scripture describes Him as all-powerful, and even as love itself. God knows all that happens, and He never abandons His creatures—doing so would betray His very character. These facts help explain that every single thing works for good for those who love God.² For someone who is suffering, it would be helpful to present this in a particularly gentle way. For example, a pastoral minister could simply say that God is perfectly good and allows certain evils in order that good may come from them.

In the worst case, there may be someone who is both in extreme suffering, near death, and deeply afraid of God. This may be because they know that they have committed a mortal sin, such as neglecting to go to Mass for years. A chance to repent and the Sacrament of Reconciliation should be offered to them with love, very promptly. Further comfort could also be given by explaining the following: ultimately, what causes us to suffer is separation from God. Our final illness and death are painful, but they are also part of the way that God brings us back to Himself, healing that painful separation, so that we can know the peace and joy of Heaven forever. From a different perspective, one can say that to go to Heaven is to become like God, and that the life of Christ makes the experiences both of suffering and of death part of the way of becoming like God. This is only possible through God’s free gift of grace, which invites us into the life of infinite goodness and beauty in Heaven. 

It is essential to appreciate that God’s providence works through pain, in order to bring us to Heaven. Knowing these truths can help a person endure suffering with both courage and acceptance, and this can even give someone a sense of joy³ in the face of pain and death. Having begun to live by these truths himself or herself, it is the goal of a pastoral minister to help those who suffer to do the same. In this way, we may work with the Lord in our final illnesses and be brought to union with Him in Heaven.

Photo by Pierre Bamin on Unsplash

¹The Didache, Chapter 1

²Romans 8:28

³Chaloux, “Why All People Suffer”, pg. 209.