Marriage Inspiration from Hell-and-Back Stories

When a marriage is in shambles, hearing about couples who have been to hell and back can offer great hope that it is possible for love to bloom again.

That was true in my own marriage and the reason I wrote Amazing Grace for Married Couples. All seemed lost for those marriages, but slowly, and in different ways, the grace of God seeped in. Couples turned to God—although not always at the same time—and in the end, they ended up more in love than when they began. That is a powerful testimony.

Kevin and Krista Wells and Sal and Beth DiLeo are two couples who are members of the Hell-and-Back Club with stories of darkness and despair before they scaled back up the mountain to a renewed love, even stronger than when they began.

“I had no idea,” was my first thought when reading Kevin’s book The Hermit: The Priest Who Saved a Soul, a Marriage, and a Family. I first got to know him when he was writing The Priests We Need To Save the Church. He sent me the first few chapters and asked my opinion. I loved them and ultimately so did many others as it became a best-seller.   

I got to know Kevin as a dynamic Catholic who left the family construction business to promote World Villages for Children, caring for and educating impoverished children around the world, and the Sisters of Mary, whose vocation is to be mothers to them. He influenced my husband and me to visit Girls Town village in Chalco, Mexico, to see their amazing work up close.

I had no clue that this enthusiastic and influential Catholic was struggling in his marriage due to his wife’s drinking. Even after attending an intense rehabilitation, Krista couldn’t seem to shake it.  Kevin admitted to losing hope, feeling that his prayers, fasting, and sacrifices were for nought. Why wasn’t God getting her to stop drinking every night?

Yet, he never stopped pleading, “Take pity on her, Lord; she is ill,” he wrote. “These children need their mom. Things are collapsing. Turn your eyes towards Krista and end this. Listen to me, God. Heal her.”  This cry for help went on for years.

Having known Kevin at this time, I was shocked to realize the cross he was carrying, keeping it private to most of the world. One person he did open up to, Father Martin Flum who is now a hermit, became an instrumental force of conversion and holiness in Krista’s life, helping her to come to grips with past wounds and to choose sobriety, family, and God.

It was Krista who asked Kevin to write the book, wanting to give hope to others and glory to God. Just as important, the book is a template for spouses suffering in a marriage without easy solutions. Kevin admits there were times that his own reactions were sorely lacking, but he strove to do everything possible to help heal Krista. Finally, he stopped trying so hard to fix her. Instead, he buried himself deeper in God.

“If I remained obedient to God, I would love Krista without conditions,” he wrote. “As Christ looked upon me and loved me as a frail vessel, I was to do the same for Krista, whom I knew noiselessly screamed for my love from beneath her invisible sea of pain. I simplified my life around a single idea: Everything was a choice between two certain outcomes. Crucified love, devoid of sensible consolations, would bring peace into a disharmonious time. Succumbing to my emotions would be prompts for the Evil One to send demons down to destroy us both . . . This small mental adjustment—remaining as close as I could to Jesus’ heart—opened up a revolution of newfound peace and directions.”

It was a long road, but ultimately, love, faith, and sobriety prevailed. Kevin describes their relationship now as if they are on their honeymoon.

Sal DiLeo’s book, Did I Ever Thank You Sister?, was written thirty years after Sal returned to the now-closed Guardian Angel Orphanage in Joliet, Illinois, run by the Sisters of Saint Francis of Mary Immaculate. It’s a dramatic glimpse into his childhood which is being made into the movie House of the Lion. Sal was the eleventh in a family of twelve children, placed in an orphanage with three of his siblings after their father abandoned them. They were saved from abject poverty and given love and faith from the sisters who cared for them.

From the orphanage, Sal moved to Boy’s Town and then went on to college. He eventually won the heart and hand in marriage of Beth, the love of his life. But Sal’s wounds from deprivation remained open, leading him to the edge of despair following a destructive lifestyle that included an aggressive quest for power and money leading to financial ruin while pushing his wife away. 

Once he let God back into his life, Sal was able to forgive those who hurt him and feel gratitude for the blessings. He began anew in his marriage and career by slowly putting pieces into place so that now, Beth and Sal are each other’s best friends, blessed by a loving marriage.

I had a conversation with them about how they got through to the other side. “It wasn’t a magic wand,” Sal admitted. “It was a process. We almost got divorced two different times. Beth’s father lent us money to get Beth and the kids back to Minnesota [from Baton Rouge, Louisiana], expecting her to divorce me.”

Attempts at marriage counseling included one therapist who tried to talk Beth into leaving Sal. “I didn’t want to leave him,” she said. “He was such a good dad to our two girls. I still thought that he could be the person I fell in love with.” Beth was an audiologist and needed to travel at times as a specialist. When Sal’s businesses fell apart, she was the one supporting the family.

Sal had often prayed for a good wife. “A mentor once told me, ‘If you marry a good woman, you are going to have a good life. If marry a bad woman, your life is going to end up bad.’ Beth had those good qualities I was attracted to.”

But blind ambition led Sal away from God, morals, and Beth. “We were in two different worlds,” she recounted.

“I thought Beth was taking me for granted,” Sal shared. “She didn’t understand what I was trying to do. I was opening up stores and putting together franchise companies to give her high society.”

“I wanted him to be home and with his family,” Beth said. “He was emotionally absent. I was home taking care of the kids at that time, and he was gone all the time.” 

Once Sal hit rock bottom, Beth’s father gave them the money to move to Minnesota so Beth could divorce and be near her family. “I was very hurt, and didn’t want to deal with what we’d been through.” Beth admitted. “I thought of divorce, but for me to be a single parent, I realized we were still better off together than apart.”

“Talking with Sister Paul, [looking her up from the orphanage] saved me from killing myself,” Sal explained. “‘You can’t make it without God. Start building your life with him,’ she told me. That’s when I started praying again.”

Sal took the advice of a good friend and mentor who recommended trying to live by Christ’s teaching. He led the way and Beth followed right into the Catholic Church. She converted when their youngest daughter was in third grade. They also renewed their marriage vows. “Now we pray together every morning and every night and pray the rosary together every day,” Sal said. “I can honestly say that when we began praying together, that’s when the changes really happened.”

“Sharing the same faith made us stronger as a couple,” Beth explained. “The reason I actually fell in love with him was because he had a faith. He’d go to Mass alone on Sundays when we were first dating.”  

Sal is now a successful business advisor, sharing his extensive experience with success and knowledge of how to avoid pitfalls. He and Beth also run St. Francis Lodge Bed & Breakfast for women contemplating becoming Catholic Sisters and for Sisters to take time to be alone with God in nature, at no charge to them.

Photo by Zoriana Stakhniv on Unsplash. In-article photos provided, with permissions, by the Author.