The Battles of Chronic Illness

I am a chronic illness warrior. I’ve been chronically ill for 11 years now. I’m no stranger to loss, grief, feeling stuck, pain, depression, fear, hurt, and loneliness. However, I also know how it feels to witness God’s presence and joy in the midst of all of the hardships that chronic illness brings.

Chronic illness is a complicated journey, and it can make those of us who live with it feel very misunderstood, isolated, and forgotten by society, the church, and loved ones.

With most chronic illnesses being invisible, it makes it hard for people to understand—it’s difficult to see how someone can do something one day and not the next or be fine one minute and then in bed for the rest of the day. Most people don’t understand that what people with chronic illness are able to do changes moment to moment and day to day.

Society has understood illness only as something that needs to be overcome, but sometimes it just can’t be—not easily or perhaps at all—hence chronic illness. With this mindset though, eventually, those with chronic illness are forgotten.

For me, when my journey first began, the church was there for me. Fellow believers would check on me, pray for me, and listen when I authentically answered the question, “How are you doing?” As time went on though, people very rarely or no longer checked in. They scurried away if I truthfully answered their “How are you?” This has happened to many other chronic illness warriors too—it’s another form of being misunderstood and forgotten.

For myself, through the loneliness and isolation, it has helped to draw closer to the Lord. Though I feel forgotten, I know that Jesus understands, that He has not forgotten me.

Lay faithful are not the only people that don’t understand those with chronic illness, though. Sadly, it’s also the medical field. It’s very difficult to find doctors who listen and show care. Lots of us, if not all of us, who live with chronic illness have witnessed a form of medical gaslighting from doctors and other medical staff. It’s hurtful and hard when medical staff dismiss us who live with invisible conditions. It makes things harder for us. It gets exhausting having to constantly advocate for ourselves, and the road to finding good doctors can be just as exhausting. What we have to remember is that God understands; He sees what we go through, and He vindicates us. Just like with others, we can find comfort in Christ when dismissed by medical staff too.

Feeling stuck is another common experience when fighting chronic illness. It’s hard to not feel stuck while the world around us keeps going, while we are here living through a challenging time of suffering. I mostly feel stuck when I’m in the midst of the most intense flareups, when all I can do is rest on the couch with pain meds and Jesus, wondering how many others are going through this too.

It can be hard to live in a body we constantly don’t feel in control of. It’s okay to feel stuck. We just have to make sure that we don’t stay in that feeling. When I’m especially mentally low from pain and other symptoms, I try to focus on the good things in my life, and I try to give myself grace. I try to focus on what I can do, not what I can’t. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to wish things were different. We just have to remember to turn our focus back on Jesus and on the blessings that we do have.

It has been important to me to find a community that does understand. I found community through social media groups, where I created a platform for those living with chronic illness, and by befriending someone from church who is also chronically ill. Finding people who have relatable stories to mine helped me feel less alone, more understood, and not as forgotten.

For those of you who don’t have chronic illness, I encourage you to learn more about it, familiarizing yourself with its many common struggles. Of course, I also encourage you to stay kind because you never know what someone is going through. By learning, being aware, and showing compassion you will help those suffering that you encounter feel more accompanied, better understood, and remembered.

For those living with chronic illness, never give up! Don’t lose hope. Ask God to reveal His purpose to you because finding purpose in Christ will bring you joy. Practice gratefulness by focusing on what you can do, instead of what you can’t. Find community by finding people who can empathize, understand, and relate with you. They will bring validation and comfort to you.

Most importantly, stand firm in your faith in the Lord. Chronic illness may be full of dark days, grief, and loss, but we can find joy in Christ! My source of true joy comes from God. In the midst of my affliction, I find joy in Him. God is my true rock, my provider, my source of strength, my everything.

Author’s Note: The author’s book Beautifully Broken: A Devotional Book About Hope, Faith, and Grief in the Midst of Chronic Illness is a 40 day devotional book. Each devotion begins with scripture and ends with a place to journal your feelings. At the end of the book is a coloring page for the reader to enjoy a moment of creativity. It is available on Amazon.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash