Overcoming Sexual Sin Through the Sorrowful Mysteries
After living in sexual sin most of my adolescent and adult life, everything changed with a visit to an Adoration Chapel. My past suddenly felt foreign, my desires shifted, and God gave me new strength.
Learning the fruits of the Sorrowful Mysteries became the foundation of my new path. Meditating on Jesus’ Passion gave me the wisdom to see that my disordered desires needed redirection. I hope this reflection will illuminate your path to freedom too.
I once thought “sexual sin” meant pornography and adultery. Since sex before marriage wasn’t stated in the Ten Commandments, I thought it was open for interpretation. I didn’t realize any sexual intimacy outside marriage, including oral sex and genital touching, wounds our hearts. I thought anything other than intercourse “didn’t count.”
At 23, living in New York City, I gave in to the culture’s view that sex was “normal” and “healthy.” As a result, I contracted genital herpes. Instead of letting it wake me up, I went another direction. Scared no one would accept me, I used my situation to justify intimacy with men who barely knew me, simply to feel wanted. As long as they were decent guys unbothered by my herpes, having sex after a few dates seemed fine. A deep spiritual blindness made it ordinary. I now know this is a common story for many wounded by sexual sin.
A shift began when I left New York and entered a committed relationship. I thought my past was behind me, but we too became sexually intimate. After we broke up, I fell into the same cycle of relationships, anxiety, and emptiness, despite thinking I was a “good Catholic.”
Eventually I turned to Adoration for answers because something was clearly wrong. Then “the scales fell from my eyes.” The Holy Spirit gave me a strength beyond my own. When dating, my body no longer wanted what it used to. I knew God was protecting me and calling me to a holiness I hadn’t known since I was a young teenager, pure of body and mind and waiting for “the one.”
At age 33, my “Jesus year” (not a coincidence), I committed to chastity, sustained by a daily rosary, especially the Sorrowful Mysteries, the anchor keeping me steady, hopeful, and on track.
This is how the Sorrowful Mysteries have carried me to new freedom.
The Agony in the Garden
Fruit of the Mystery: Sorrow for Sin
“The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Mt. 26:41). Jesus returned to His disciples asleep in the garden. He could have given up on them. Instead, He gives another chance, telling them to “Watch and pray so that you do not fall into temptation.” Even in His sorrow, Christ encourages us.
“Sorrow for sin” seemed counterintuitive. Aren’t we supposed to repent and move on? But grieving our failings is okay. Sadness helps redirect us toward surrendering to God’s will.
When I was diagnosed with herpes at 23, the sorrow was almost unbearable. I was told the pain stemmed from societal stigma. I now know the sorrow was from disappointing God through sin. Eventually, step by step, I followed His plan.
The Scourging at the Pillar
Fruit of the Mystery: Purity
“Pilate took Jesus and scourged Him” (Jn. 19:1). The fruit of purity hit me deeply. I wanted to live a life of purity, one not made by my rules. My past had entwined lust and physical intimacy with love and romance, but God began to untangle these patterns and restore a right relationship with my body.
I began to dress modestly, listen to wholesome music, and avoid behaviors misaligned with God’s will. Purity became peace, not repression. I noticed small victories: pausing before saying a profane word, switching from a Taylor Swift song to a Catholic hymn, and feeling filled with hope instead of bitterness.
The purification process was painful. I lost friends, faced distance from family, and endured judgment for my new behaviors. I was called “Little Miss Perfect” and “a nun” by other women. Nights were lonely. I wondered if I’d ever fine someone. But the peace that emerged was worth it. I felt whole again.
The Crowning with Thorns
Fruit of the Mystery: Moral Courage
“Plaiting a crown of thorns, they put it on Him.” The soldiers then mocked Jesus, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews,” “striking Him with their hands” (Jn. 19:2-4). Despite the humiliation and mockery, Jesus does not waver. He endures the blows and ridicule with dignity, even as the blood from the crown drips down His face.
Though my suffering is nowhere near His, I think of the emotional pain of moral courage—standing up for what I believe or speaking about God’s truth. For many, sexual sin grows out of shame or a desire to be wanted and loved. I see it in the people I work with who have genital herpes. They have so much shame; their courage is shaken. They often turn to casual sex, which only hurts them more. I lived that pattern, and breaking it required me to face the fear of being misunderstood or judged. This mystery reminds me that my identity is not determined by the voices mocking or questioning me.
The Carrying of the Cross
Fruit of the Mystery: Patience
“So they took Jesus, and He went out, bearing His own cross” (Jn. 19:17). Temptation and struggle are ongoing. I’ve been impatient and frustrated. Why is my business not thriving when I followed Him to start it? Why haven’t I met a godly man? But every time I felt sorrow, the rosary sustained me. I learned to ask God for patience.
Jesus warned us: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Lk. 9:23). As I reflect on my single years, building my company, and choosing God’s plan, I see that grace kept me going. God provides patience to take up my cross and not give up.
The Crucifixion
Fruit of the Mystery: Perseverance
“When He had received the drink, Jesus said, ‘It is finished.’ With that, He bowed His head and gave up His spirit” (Jn. 19:30). I was reluctant to linger on this mystery. Why dwell on our Savior’s suffering and death?
Christ gives up His spirit in complete trust, reminding us that our ultimate hope is in being united with Him in eternity. Because of this, we can persevere.
I return to Jesus’s words: “Into Your hands, Lord, I commend my spirit” (Lk. 23:46). After the first four mysteries, this decade brings everything into focus. I now carry peace and trust in God’s plan. If He desires my work to flourish, He will guide it or open a different door. If He wants me to be married, it will happen. My task is to remain faithful.
Scripture tells us to “wait on the Lord” (Ps. 27:14). Perseverance is a delicate balance: waiting on God’s timing while still loving, serving, and carrying our crosses. The Crucifixion teaches that enduring with trust, surrender, and hope is never wasted. This is the perseverance the Rosary forms in us—the perseverance that leads us home.
Photo by Thérèse Westby on Unsplash
